It seems strange to be writing this post after my birth story. Going from talking about the birth of one beautiful soul to the death of another, equally beautiful soul.
My good friend Syble has been fighting brain cancer for about a year now. She has an awesome fiancé, who has sacrificed everything to take care of her and their beautiful 2 year old girl, and an angel baby that was lost at 28 weeks due to treatment. She is only 24 years old, and yet she is living out the last of her days.
Syble and I met in 6th grade and fell in love instantly. I practically lived at her house and we would stay up all night watching Night At the Roxbury and laughing our butts off. Then she moved away, and I moved away, and poor col change their number often and we were both that... so we lost touch. 5 or so years later we found each other again thanks to Facebook, and next thing I know she is diagnosed with stage four brain cancer. Prognosis one year.
These are the kinds of things you see in movies and read about in those books that tug at your heart strings so much. It's always that one person that touches so many lives in such positive way that gets sick, that has to suffer, and whose candle is snuffed out way too soon.
I firmly believe that if I were to get sick and die, not many beyond my immediate family would mind much. People would not be banding together by the hundreds to talk about what a positive influence, what a great person, what a happy should I was. They would remember how often I complained and how easily stressed I was. I heard Syble complain about cancer maybe 3 or 4 times. She never moaned and groaned or demanded to know why. I am sure she had her moments in private, but she didn't want to affect others with this kind of talk. She didn't want or need pity. She was and is strong in her last remaining days.
We al have regrets. We have moments we handle so awfully that we don't think anything could ever be worse.
My regret is not spending time with Syble outside of Facebook these last few months, when I still had the chance. Last October, she didn't even know she was sick yet, and I was visiting Oklahoma from Florida. I was a mere two hours away from her, but I wouldn't go see her when she asked me to because Liam was being so fussy and I didn't want to do the 2 hour drive with him.
In June, we were house hunting in Oklahoma for the weekend and she was having a second operation done in Oklahoma City, and she asked me to visit and I just didn't have the time. I couldn't make the time.
In July, we moved back to OKC and Syble was still here, recovering. We set up a day to get together, but I had been whining about howI didn't want to bring Liam, and she never got back to me about where she was staying because she didn't want me to stress so much about the visit. Then she went back to Tulsa, and I didn't want to do the 2 hour drive with 2 kids.
Well you know what? I did that 2 hour drive with 2 kids on Tuesday. I approached with a positive attitude, I was on a mission, and it was fine. It was something I should have done months ago. When I thought it was more important to paint my new house, obsessively scrub floors, and whine about how tired I was. Instead of visiting my very sick friend who would not always be there.
When I finally did visit her, she barley looked like Syble anymore. She was a lot more lucid than I expected, although I was told today her communication skills are fading fast. She loved seeing my kids, and the first thing she said was "set the baby up here by me." She cuddled Cambria and kissed her and she wanted to snuggle Liam but Liam was scared. Her momma bear instincts came out, and she couldn't even have her own kids there with her. I am sure she was reminded of them then. She talked to me about breastfeeding, and asked me if it hurt. She loved my tattoos, and kept stroking them. She always wanted a hand to hold. When I kissed her good bye and told her I loved her, she said, "Love you, girl."
Just like the same old Syble.
But she is not.
And it's a damn shame.
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