I talked about KRR, one of my favorite artists, a while back. I recently started taking her online class. It's really helped me explore new mixed media materials and also helped me tie up the loose end in my paintings. They feel more complete now. Not totally perfect, but much better. Below is the favorite I have done so far; I actually added in some more details after I snapped this photo, but you get the idea.
This has really always been my goal, but it felt phony in a way, because I am not a happy person in general. I suffer from chronic depression and anxiety disorder. This is in large part due to malnutrition, as crazy as that sounds. Even though I eat extremely well, I have nutrition absorption problems, so I just don't function like I should. Not to mention I am always angry because I feel like I am starving 99% of the time. I recently started taking some high quality vitamins and that has helped a lot. I feel like a new person. But the art has helped too. I was in a fake it until you make it situation. I wanted to be happy, so I made happy art. The happy art made me happy. I hope it makes others happy, too.
When I was younger, I always fancied myself a very accepting person. Not in a hey you abuse your kids and that's okay with me sort of way. Just in a we are different and lets embrace those differences sort of way. Over the past 6 years or go I have become very rigid in what I will accept. Not necessarily in a person, but more in the way of art, style, and personal creative expression. If art didn't fit in a perfect mold of what I considered "good" (including my own art!) I couldn't find any positive value to it and mostly wouldn't even consider it art!
I've recently discovered Alena Hennessy. The image below is one of her pieces. A year ago I might have thought this piece was rubbish. A third grader could do it. But do you know how much abandon has to go into a painting to be able to paint like a third grader? That's a major accomplishment. It may not be photo realism, but it definitely has its own merit. It speaks to me so deeply. My soul responds to this piece and many others of its kind with acceptance, awe and gratitude.
It's simply beautiful.
In a similar vein, I am learning to let go of all the things that cause me distress, like a dirty house, and focusing instead on the things that bring me joy. Like "wasting" the kids' precious nap times watching my favorite artists paint on youtube. This is a tough hurtle to over come for me. But in a way, looking at all the clutter and the mess in my house right now - which was sparkling clean two days ago! - makes me feel really good. Because it reminds me that instead of performing - albeit, sometimes necessary - labor that would only be undone in a day or two, I did things that helped me grow as a person, as a mother, and as an artist. And that is something priceless.
Can you say, AHA?
