Before my husband, Patrick, and I even decided to try for a baby I knew what I wanted in a birth. I knew I could never give birth in a hospital, that I'd want a natural birth, with a midwife, and I wanted it to be in my home. I'm pretty sure I had my midwife picked out before I even got a positive pregnancy test! (Shout out to the midwives and assistants at Community Midwifery Services in Norman, OK). I wanted to cover all my bases, so I also interviewed midwives at the OU Medical Center, but their outlook was too clinical for me. Ultimately we decided to hire a team of homebirth midwives that worked on rotation.
I felt like I did everything right during that pregnancy. I had excellent nutrition, was obsessed with eliminating toxins from my life to the point that I didn't even wear make up (I couldn't afford the natural kind at the time), took Bradley Birth classes with Patrick, and was adequately, but not too adequately, informed.
Things did not go as planned, however, because Liam was posterior. Late term chiropractic care did not help, I had exhausting prodromal labor for months, and my placenta stopped functioning optimally.
In a last ditch effort to birth at home and labor naturally, I underwent acupuncture induction, which ripened my cervix enough to allow for a stripping of my membranes (which, surprisingly, I did not feel at all). This finally strengthened my contractions enough to dilate me. I had horrendous back labor and could not sit down throughout it. I labored at home for 15 hours, dilated to a 4, and then got "stuck". I was extremely tired from the months of prodromal labor and being at 40+12 weeks did not help. My midwife suggested I go to the hospital for an epidural, which she hoped would relax my joints enough to allow Liam to enter into my pelvis (I didn't know she suspected he was in posterior arrest at this point).
I went to the hospital and received the epidural and later pitocin. I even had my water broke. Everything I had hoped to avoid was happening. I dilated to an 8 until they broke my water, at which point I went back down to a 4 and didn't budge anymore. Liam's heart rate was going into decelerations and nothing was helping to calm him. I ultimately made the decision to have a C-Section before it became an emergency. After laboring for 26 hours, Liam was finally born.
All in all, it was a fairly positive experience, although I did question everything that had happened. I didn't understand what had gone wrong, especially after I felt like I did everything right. I experienced a lot of post partum blues and always looked back on his birth with regret. I didn't think I'd want any more kids, but if we did end up having another I'd want it to be a VBAC.
I became pregnant 16 months later. Initially I thought I'd want an OB since I felt like hiring midwives had been a waste of money before. I did not want a home birth. I was still fairly careful with my nutrition, water intake, and tried to remain as active as possible (which was made difficult by sciatic nerve pain), but I didn't make my life miserable with guilt like I had with Liam. If I wanted a whopper, I ate it. I even had soda!
I hired a doula (Shanna Wright) and began to see a chiropractor at about 30 weeks. He told me my hips were misaligned, which causes posterior babies and also makes it hard or impossible for babies to enter the pelvis and engage. Finally I had an explanation for Liam's birth! He was the third chiropractor I had seen, and no one ever mentioned my misaligned hips or the connection to my C-Section (I still have misaligned hips when I am not pregnant, which causes pain throughout my body, so we know it wasn't a new issue). I saw my chiropractor )Dr. Walker at Family Wellness Chiropractic in Corpus Christi) 3-4 times a week, and it made a huge difference in my sciatic nerve pain and well being over all. Most importantly, it gave me hope for a VBAC!
My supposedly VBAC friendly Dr. turned out not to be so VBAC friendly after all when she pulled the big baby card on my at my first visit and told me I would need an induction, the earlier the better, because it would increase my chances of having a VBAC if the baby was smaller. Anyone who educated themselves in the slightest about VBACS knows this is complete BS and the last thing you want to do. Induction increases the risk of uterine rupture, and unless the mom really does have a very small pelvis, a "big" baby is not a problem (Liam had been 8.9 at almost 42 weeks gestation, not really all that big anyway). After much back and forth a tax return that came just in time, I ended up firing my OB and hiring a midwife at 32 weeks. Having settled on a home birth, I finally felt a sense of comfort and confidence in this pregnancy. I finally felt like nothing was standing in my way anymore.
I'd started having very strong Braxton Hicks contractions starting at about 16 weeks. They included pelvic pressure and lower back pain, so definitely more than a simple tightening of the belly. I was convinced the baby would come early, although my midwife didn't think so.
Mu due date was May 18th, and I began to have stronger contractions about 12 days before that. Strong enough that I would have to stand through them. I also had a cold so was pretty miserable over all. My midwife didn't think I'd go into labor until I got over the cold, and my last cold earlier in the pregnancy had lasted a month, so I was pretty discouraged. Contractions were irregular and not getting any stronger, but nothing would stop them either. Bathing, resting, drinking water - nothing helped. They were especially bad at night, which is common with prodromal labor, but I had been practicing Hypnobirthing with this pregnancy and my body would automatically enter a state of deep relaxation during the contractions so that I hardly woke. I was very uncomfortable, however, and especially discouraged since this labor was already looking so much like Liam's. This time, however, I made sure not to try to walk the baby out but to rest rest rest. I also read lots of prodromal birth stories to remind me that this was common.
The night of May 13th we had a big thunder storm, which caused contractions to intensify. I spent much of the night in the bathtub, and I definitely didn't get any sleep. The next morning I messaged Shanna, my doula, : I think today is the day.
I called my midwife to complain and get some advice. I was so tired I was ready to go to the hospital for a repeat cesarean. She recommended we try to stop the contractions and had me drink tea made from Camino seeds (which is what Cumin is made of). It was disgusting, like drinking liquid fajita seasoning, and did nothing to stop contractions. I was also doing lots of hands and knees, rotations on the birth ball, and getting daily chiropractic adjustments.
Shanna came over around 11am and we went to see my midwife. As soon as Sue saw me she said I was not having a baby that day. I asked her to go ahead and check me and I was high and tight. Baby was not pushing on my cervix, and the contractions, though painful, were ineffective. Sue decided that since we weren't having any luck stopping contractions, we would try to help them along. She mapped out a dosage of caulophyllum for me (blue cohosh - I can't remember the exact dosage, but I believe it was one pill over thirty minutes for 4 hours). I also made an appointment for acupuncture for the next day.
Shanna, Patrick and I hung around the house for a while. Liam went to stay the night with a wonderful friend, Mandie, and I did some inversions on the couch. I could immediately feel baby slide down, and the contractions began to change. We decided to go out for lunch around 1. We went to my favorite Thai restaurant and at this point, I would have to stop eating and breathe through the contractions. We went home and I wanted something to laugh about, to loosen up, so we put on Step Brothers. At some point Shanna made protein balls, which are now my favorite food group.
I was putzing around the house, talking to the baby, feeling pretty positive and happy. I had read Ina May's Guide To Childbirth and attempted to utilize some of the techniques found in it, like low moaning. I remember at one point I was standing at our back door, swaying my hips, making those low guttural sounds, and untangling the string on the blinds, which was strangely cathartic. Concentrating on the tangled made me not notice the pain anymore. When I turned around both Shanna and Patrick were standing there watching me and we all three cracked up. Patrick made a comment about how I had looked and sounded like a zombie. The atmosphere was really great at this point and I was super glad to be laboring at home.
(Side note: I am a firm believer that childbirth does not have to be painful. I'd highly recommend "Hypnobirthing" by Mongan and "Unassisted Childbirth" by Shanley for more info on this. I am someone who gets way too caught up in my thoughts and emotions to let my body relax enough for labor to not be painful, but I think, standing at that window, I actually managed it. When I let go completely, and didn't think about what my body was doing, I didn't feel any pain.)
Around 7pm I called my midwife and asked her to check me again. I was scared that nothing was happening and needed some reassurance. I could tell Sue was reluctant to check me and have to tell me I wasn't dilating. I wasn't sure what that would have done to my resolve, but luckily when Sue came over she found I was 100% effaced and 3cm dilated. I was so happy!
I expect Sue to leave, but she made herself comfortable on our couch and settled in for the night.
Funnily enough, after practicing Hypnobirthing for months, I completely forgot to use any of the techniques in labor. Instead, Patrick and I reverted back to our Bradley Birth training and the techniques we had learned for Liam's birth. For several more hours I labored easily and happily. I smiled, caressed Patrick's arm instead of clawing at it like last time, and felt very in tune with the baby. We were laboring together.
At some point Shanna and Patrick set up the birth pool, and I labored in it off and on. I was watching and singing a long with The Flight of the Concords, which is excellent labor material. Laughter helps relax the body, and relaxation helps dilation!
At some point things changed. Contractions were no longer coming and going. I was having one continuous contractions, with a large peak and then an ebb, but never an end. I was having atrocious back labor again, and the best thing for the pain seemed to be to walk around (when I was laboring with Liam I was doing squats for hours on end, and I was glad not to feel that urge again!). I would not let go of Patrick's hand and insisted he walk around with me and be in physical contact at all times. I was moaning like a fool and flapping my lips like a horse (another Ina technique) and feeling very very tired. Shanna and Sue repeatedly tried to persuade me to sit down to rest but every time I tried I was in sheer agony. I managed a few minutes on the birthing ball, would occasionally jump in the pool, but over all forgot all the techniques I was planning on using (such as childs pose).
Around 11pm I asked Sue why the contractions would not stop and she and Shanna looked at each other and said, "We think you are in transition." This got me really excited, but when Sue checked me again I was "only" at a 6. At that point I lost it. Even though I knew the numbers were meaningless I felt like labor was never ending. I said I wanted to go to the hospital, and Patrick probably would have loaded me up and taken me but Shanna was able to coax me down. She reminded me that by the time I got there and checked in etc. it would be too late for an epidural anyway. So I tried to calm down and continued laboring as I had been before.
The lights were off, my favorite scented candle was lit, Shanna and Sue attempted to nap on the couch while I labored around them. I'd work a circuit through the living room and kitchen and end in the bathroom attempting to pee, which is really difficult in labor, as it turns out. At one point we went outside, saw that the moon was full, and enjoyed some fresh air. But being so exposed made me feel self conscious about the noises I was making, because I didn't want to bother the neighbors. We went back inside but since Shanna and Sue were trying to sleep I felt uncomfortable there as well. This was really a very difficult part of labor.
I think it was around 12 or 12:30 when I woke Sue pleading for help. I was not managing labor well at all anymore. She placed her hand on my hip and prayed over me and I felt the pain ease as she prayed. She reminded me of my hypnobirthing exercises and had me breathe in deeply through my nose and belly, and exhale through my mouth. It helped. The pain became background noise, while I sat in the birth pool and breathed. I was able to lose myself completely to breathing and the rhythm. But anytime there was a noise, such as my doula adding more water to the pool, or anytime Patrick shifted his touch on me, it would knock me right out of my trance and the contractions would come back ten fold. I found a position resting back on my bottom with my knees bent and hands and knees flat on the on the ground that would completely stop the contractions, for whatever reason. I was able to get a few moments of rest that way. I thanked the baby for working with me and giving me a break.
At this point I began to lose my mucous plug. Sue told me to watch for pressure in my bottom, because that would mean that it time, or almost time, to push. I didn't think I was anywhere near that but when I stood up to get out of the tub I shouted, "I need to poop!"
Feeling that pressure suddenly terrified me. I had labored before, with Liam. I had never pushed before, had never delivered vaginally. I didn't know what to expect and no amount of reading can prepare you. I remember whining, "I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!" Sue grabbed her kit of supplies and put down some towels for me. by the pool in the living room. I sat on them and relaxed back on my hands but even though I felt pressure, I didn't feel an urge to push. Also, my birth plan indicated that I did not want to push, but to labor/breath baby down. Let my uterus expel the baby naturally, as it is made to do.
I continued to labor on the floor and in the pool while we all waited for me to feel like I actually needed to push. I don't know how long it took or what changed, because at this point I was deep in labor land, but I remember Sue guiding us to the bedroom and asking me to lay down on the bed because she wanted to check me. I was so out of it, when we got to the bedroom I asked, "Is this really happening?" I felt like I was on some very strong drugs.
Sue checked me and found I was indeed at a 10 but that I had a lip. I now know that you really shouldn't push if you have a lip, because it can cause swelling, causing the baby to get stuck. Sue held the cervical lip aside and I attempted a push. I found that it felt really great to push, but only if she was holding the lip aside. If not, it was incredibly painful! She told me not to push with my head, but to let my body do it. I remember having one really good contraction where my body did all the work, all the pushing, with no guidance or intention from me at all, and I loved that feeling. We tried different positions, such ad laying on my side, to get the lip to go away (apparently this had helped Sue in one of her own births) but nothing worked. I tried pushing in a squatting position, which I had imagined would be my preferred position, but hated it. On my back was actually the most comfortable position. I held one leg back and Patrick held the other.
Periodically, Sue would check on the babies heart beat and discovered that it was dipping a little. She brought out the oxygen tank and had me inhaling between contractions. I don't know if it was because I was so tired or just in a trance, but I was able to fall asleep between contractions. I have no idea how much time passed between contractions, but I don't think it was very much.
Sue was oiling me with evening primrose oil, olive oil, and I believe on other oil, to help me not to tear.
Once the babies head moved past the lip, pushing became much easier. Shanna, Patrick and Sue were able to see the babies head and to everyone's surprise she had dark hair! I had wanted a dark haired baby and no one believed it would happen. Sue told me to touch the babies head and I could not believe how soft and squishy it was. It didn't feel like a head at all. I didn't think I was touching the right part but they told me I was. Sue asked Patrick to come around the bed so he could see better but I wouldn't let him move.
Finally, finally, finally at 4:14 am, after 2 hours of pushing, Cambria Ann Davey was born.
I did it! I had my VBAC!
Cambria weighed 8 lbs 2 oz. She was 22 inches long. She was born with a nuchal hand (hand by her face), which was why it had taken so long and been so difficult to push her out. We waited until the cord stopped pulsing, and then Patrick cut it. Contractions continued and were extremely painful. I was starting to lose it again, thinking something was wrong and wondering why I was still in so much pain. I wanted them to leave the damn cord alone and help me instead! The placenta finally delivered and I began to feel better.
Shanna drew up an herbal bath for us and Cambria and I bathed together. Patrick and I were both convinced I was bleeding to death when we saw how much blood there was, but apparently it was a normal amount of blood. I couldn't stay in the tub for long, because I was too sore and tired to hold Cambria in the water.
I still don't know why, but Sue did quite a bit of wrenching after the head was born to pull Cambria's body out. It caused quite a bit of damage to Cambria's spine, which we are still working on correcting 3 months later. She is seen by a chiropractor several times a week and has been since day one. We first noticed that she wasn't moving her legs much, they were curled up close to her body at all times.
edit: after reading this post my doula told me that the cord was wrapped around Cambria's arm and was fully compressed. She was too blue for comfort so that was why she needed to be delivered quickly!
After her first adjustment she began to move her legs. The change was immediate and immense! She was also having trouble nursing on the right side because she couldn't turn her neck properly and her palette had dropped. This has improved significantly as well. She also had pretty severe reflux, which went away almost completely after a few weeks of adjustments.
I tore quite a bit (severe 2nd degree, mild 3rd degree) so the recovery was tough. I declined stitches, wanting to heal naturally. I staid on top of my pain meds (ibuprofin) so didn't feel too much pain but lots of pressure. I think the mental part of tearing was a bigger pain than the physical part. I was very scared to move, to use the bathroom, to walk, etc. Thanks to the tear, the recovery was much much harder than I had expected, but definitely better than a c-section. I am so thankful that I got to have my homebirth, rest and recover in my own bed without nurses waking me every hour. Our breast feeding relationship got off to a great start with very little soreness.
Cambria has a lot of food allergies and digestion problems but is a happy, well loved and loving baby. She is perfect!
Did I mention I did it? I DID IT! I had my VBAC, and so can you!
Beautiful!!
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing story... AMAZING! Jenny Chiasson
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