There are plenty of negative things about deployments.
The aching loneliness and want for adult conversation.
The exhaustion; the fact that you have to keep going even when there's no go left in you.
The physical and psychological stress. What, I suddenly have to make every decision, from what brans of toilet paper to buy to which plumber to hire, by myself??
The concern for your husbands welfare.
blooming zinnia from my garden
The list could go on, but I don't want to focus on the negatives tonight.
Tonight, I am thinking about the positive aspects about deployments.
The kids and I fall into a steady routine. They need that, and so do I. Things are unstable enough for them; with their daddy coming and going every other month, they need to know that their momma is reliable.
I don't get onto myself as much for not keeping a perfect house. Call me old fashioned, but I like to have a clean and comfortable house for my husband to come home to normally. When he's gone, I give myself permission to let things go a little.
I also give myself permission to slow down in general and find more time for self care. If I want to take a bath instead of doing the dishes, I will. Heck, I just might take two baths in a day!
Because I am not desperate to spend every waking moment I can with a husband who isn't around all that much, I have more time to myself. After the kids go to bed, I have several hours just to myself. That stillness can be nice. Focusing on me is nice. There's not yet another person needing their needs met. Just me.
I read more.
I paint more.
I spend more time outside.
These are all good things.
Tomorrow, there will be hard moments when I wish my husband was home and I could just take a break away from the kids and their demanding, sticky little fingers. When that moment comes, I will think of my husband with thankfulness in my heart and count the positives.
