Trying. Failing. Trying Again.

Yesterday was a struggle. After my blog post from the previous day about becoming a possibilitarian, about positive mental attitude, I'm convinced yesterday was a test. I woke up in a foul mood for no apparent reason. Every little mischievous, inconvenient thing Liam or the dog did made me furious. I did a lot of yelling. Yelling + angry expression is something I struggle to remedy on a daily basis. It's not a good way - or an acceptable way - of communicating, but it's the only way I know. The only way I was taught to express myself. That doesn't mean it has to be permanent, though. We are constantly changing, evolving; if we want, we can be better.

For so long, I didn't want to be better. But now I do. So I took the opportunities I saw to respond differently, to create new habits, new forms of communication. I was able to make light of frustrating situations, games out of toddler behavior where I really just wanted to shout "Obey me! NOW!".

That's not to say I didn't fail too. I failed plenty. I was ashamed of myself and I wanted to cry with remorse and apologize to Liam for being stuck with such a poor mother. But, really, I think it's not a perfect mother he needs. He needs one who is willing to admit she is flawed, and willing to make a change.

Love, love. Here we are.