Picture Love

On Sunday we had a photo shoot to mark Liam's first birthday. We haven't had professional pictures done since he was a newborn! Our lovely photographer, Tiffany at RyeTan Photography, scouted out Hillcrest farm for us and secured it as our location to shoot. Hillcrest is just across the border into Alabama. They sell eggs, delicious homemade ice cream, and other products. In the fall, they offer hay rides. Their farm is such a little gem, with lots of green grass, rustic buildings, friendly dogs and chickens for little kids to chase. We had a great time during the shoot and being there made me look forward to the day when we can settle down somewhere and have our own small plot of land for Liam to chase chickens around.

We have't seen all of the photos yet, but here are a few:

(sign made by me, copied from a design by Moulage on etsy)

                                              (His shirt was made by Personally Graced Gifts)

                       We LOVE this picture, but it's a little odd because that man does not look like Patrick!     
                                Doesn't this just make you want to frolick naked in a field, though" ;)

I love this romper. It's from Carters. They have tons of cute whale stuff this season! The banner was made by our photographer.

I can't wait to share the rest with you, especially the ones of him and the chickens!! :)

Sharing Is Caring

I love that, before they learn to be selfish, kids are selfless. I don't know at what point this changes, but at the moment Liam wants to share everything. He will happily shove his last goldfish in my mouth. Even if he only has one goldfish, he would want me to have it.

Once again, am important lesson taught to me by my eleven month old.

High Needs, High Spirit

I've mentioned before that Liam is a handful. Constant whining all day long.Waking up 2-12 times a night.  Dissatisfaction with the whole world. I really thought that Liam was a grumpy child and that all he needs is more sleep, or to learn to communicate better. 

But I'm realizing that Liam isn't simply grumpy. He is high needs - or, as author Mary Kurcinka calls it "spirited". Spirited sounds a lot more positive than high needs, but I don't have an issue with either term. I've been reading her book to help me learn how to better meet Liam's needs in order to make all our lives run more smoothly. Kurcinka is helping me realize that there isn't anything wrong with Liam; he is normal, times ten. He is normal, but more. 

This books is helping me, but also hurting me. It helps to have someone validate my experience with Liam, and to know I am not the only one who has a child like this. When I read other parenting books in the past, especially those designed to help you help your baby sleep, it really made me feel like a failure, because spirited kids don't respond well to that kind of treatment. A case in point is sleep. I guess it's no surprise that babies that are high needs during the day continue to be so at night. They all have different preferences as far as how those needs are met (some want to nurse, some want to be rocked, some want to simply play) but most of them don't like to simply be held and cuddled. Liam was never a cuddler, because he doesn't want to sit still. Because of this, Patrick has never really been able to help me parent Liam at night. Liam definitely falls into the nursing camp. We've attempted letting him cry it out, but he doesn't respond to that. Spirited kids get fixated and are very stubborn, and they will cry all night sooner than passing out. We've attempted crying in arms, and that works better than anything else, but he still wakes hourly after his first six hours of sleep. 

This is rough to deal with, to say the least. But it's not all. 

Spirited kids don't do well with change. Or crowds. Or bring told no. They are extremely sensitive.

Imagine this little face looking at you all day, accompanied by a high pitched wail (but no tears). That'll give you some idea of what I hear/deal with all day.

 But they also have a lot of characteristics that society admires in adults; it's simply hard to deal with in small children who can't reason or express their emotions very well. It's good to be able to look forward to the amazing adult my little boy is going to be, but in the mean time it can really put a damper on our days. 

Having a kid isn't what I expected it to be. I think this is normal to a certain extent. Everyone has expectations that can't be met. I simply thought that we would be able to do things as a family like go to the zoo, travel, go on walks and adventures. But this is often extremely difficult or even impossible to do. I still try. Every day. But the only way to keep peace with Liam is if I sit in the living room with my boobs out and let him have access any time he wants while I stare at the TV. That's not really my idea of a good life, though. 

Every day I am learning more about Liam's limits and what we can and can't do. So it's getting better. But it's still hard, especially for a person like me who likes calm, quiet environments. It would appear that I, myself, am a high needs person.

The thing that scares me the most is the thought of expanding our family and dealing with Liam while also taking care of a newborn. I know people do it every day, but I think it takes a very strong person to do it gracefully. I am not sure I have that strength. 

But Liam is teaching me. Every day, I grow stronger and into the kind of mother Liam needs.

Do you have a high needs child too? How do you cope? What parenting strategies have you found successful?

My Darling

We have been married for almost 2 years and four months now. It feels like much longer than that.

Which is odd because we were not one of those couples who dated for five years, celebrated many anniversaries, family reunions, birthdays, traveled together, or experienced much of anything to together before we were married.

Our relationship was a force of nature and we let it sweep us where it may.

There is a lot of back story to us that I won't bore you with. Suffice it to say: we met in january 2010, we became friends in April 2010, started dating in May 2010, and were married in December 2010. We got pregnant with Liam in july 2011.

Our relationship began with us being apart - I spent the summer traveling and studying in Germany (with my ex, no less) and missing Patrick fiercely, while he remained in Oklahoma. When I got back, I was homeless (due to a lease snafu) for about a month and let me squat in his tiny apartment. The man owned no furniture.   All he had was a plastic set of drawers and an air mattress on the floor. He didn't even have a door on his bathroom. Talk about intimacy. He had video games and stacks of paper and books everywhere and his clothes were folded and stacked on a window seat. For a neat freak like me it should have been a nightmare but I was with Patrick and that was all that really mattered. What followed was camping trips, volunteer events, releasing wildlife together (I worked at a wildlife rehab center) watching countless seasons of Gilmore Girls and Buffy and Angel and Family Guy together, adopting our dog, Marla, and many trips to the dog park. Then, a whirlwind wedding after a single month of engagement (what a nightmare).Six months after we married we honeymooned in our tent in Branson (for those of you who don't know, Branson is the Las Vegas for old people and one of my favorite places in the world). And one month after that we had a positive pregnancy test.

Liam definitely changed the dynamic of our family, especially since Patrick and I had yet to really grow together. First, Liam tore us apart. Patrick was still in many ways a child and definitely not the man or the leader of our family that I needed him to be. For months I battled with post partum depression and all I really wanted was to leave Patrick, but I didn't have the financial means to support Liam, and I couldn't face the ridicule of a failed marriage.

I felt so jaded and cheated. I felt like the only basis for our relationship - our physical attraction for one another - had been torn apart and we were suddenly left with nothing.  We had very little in common, I thought. He is an engineer and a pilot in the Navy. I am the tattooed girl with the labret piercing with a biology degree who wants to save the environment. He doesn't believe anything is wrong with how we treat the environment. (Or, at least, that's how he acts. I am still not sure about what he truly feels.How's that for communication skills?)

I think the initial physical appeal you feel in a new relationship always evens out. That doesn't mean you don't feel attracted to that person anymore. It simply means you don't need to jump their bones every chance you get anymore. Most people have some basis for their relationship other than that. Patrick and I had very little to hold us together, it seemed, from my point of view. Don't get me wrong - we had fun together, and he was my best friend. But that does not a happy marriage make.

After he tore us apart, Liam stitched us back together. Liam has forced us to get creative, both in terms of dates (tent forts on the living room floor) and baby-friendly activities (lots of hiking, beach time, rolling around on the floor in a heap, etc). We have learned so much about each other thanks to Liam. We have learned to respect each other needs. Learned to compensate for the others weaknesses and rely on their strength. We have learned to make a  big deal out of little accomplishments and to view even the smallest outing as a huge adventure.

I love that Patrick is Liam's father and his daddy and I wouldn't trade this for the world.

I love that he is my accomplice in this life, through thick and thin. No matter how it started, I know our relationship will never end.

Toddleing

I am beyond in love with our life right now. There are a few big issues looming over my head that are causing me anxiety, but mainly just LOVE.

My little boy is toddleing all over the place, smiling and whining and being a goof ball. Isn't this age just amazing? It makes me so happy and I wish I could freeze time and keep him this way forever. It's hard to imagine that not too long from now he will be seven, and then thirteen, and then eighteen and possibly gone. Even harder to imagine is what I will be like. 

Aside from the past few days of rain and storms, the weather here has been hinting of summer, which means we throw open all the windows and try to survive without the AC for as long as possible. Thank goodness my post pregnancy hot flashes have finally stopped, so I no longer feel the need to keep the house at 69 degrees. We cracked open the first watermelon of the year today. Last year, when Liam was still just the bulge inside my belly, we lived off of watermelon. He seemed to love it today, perhaps in recognition.

Liam got a little kiddie pool to splash around in, and spends a lot of time in his skivvies (which is great because he has outgrown most of his clothes anyway).

Watching him play and grow and learn makes my heart swell with admiration. I can't wait to see what kind of man he is going to become, what kind of big brother, what kind of person. 

He is growing up to be so handsome. These days it's hard to tell if he looks like me or his daddy.

He has started to talk with his lips all pursed, making the cutest little baby words. This morning he said "Bad dog!" to the dog.  

I love the gap between his teeth, but for his sake I hope it closes as the rest of his teeth come in. Kids can be so cruel. In the mean time I will cherish that gap, and those little lips, and those big, fluffy cheeks that are just so edible!

JOY

Babies seem to feel joy in ways adults aren't even able to. I love that deep, belly laugh; the way they suck air in as though they are about to hyperventilate when something really excites them.

Pure, unadulterated, joy.

Talk about living vicariously.

What Happens at the Playground with Daddy, Stays at the Playground (or not)

Liam said "Daddy" (instead of Da Da) for the first time today...

So Well Prepared

Did I mention, this weekend we were honored with the award for best parents of the year?

Yeah, not really...

I still haven't perfected the art of packing a diaper bag. This weekend, we were out and a about without a change of clothes for Liam. This wouldn't have been a problem if he hadn't gotten into the water at the beach...

He ended up having to wear my shirt home. Oh, we were out of diapers too. Thank God Pampers can hold a ton!