Spread Too Thin

I have a vice. Imagine that.

My problem is that I can't let others be good at something. It makes me feel inferior. I guess you can say that really I just have an inferiority complex. This mixes with my interest in absolutely EVERYTHING and causes me to pursue every possible hobby I could. But I don't just view these things as hobbies. Oh no. I must make a career out of them, somehow, if only for five minutes.

Basically, if someone else is interested in something, I am too, and I must prove that I like it just as much as they do and that I am just as good at it. This dose of honesty makes me sound like quite a nice person, huh?

I'm really not mean about it, though. This isn't the type of thing where I bash the other person to make myself feel better about myself.

No, I just bash myself.

And it's really starting to take a tole on me. Aside from this blog, I also run a small Facebook shop. I make baby goods. I also have to have a spotless house; I must be with my baby at all times; I must be outdoors at all times but I am also a homebody; I must cook everything from scratch; etc, etc. Between this and the one million hobbies I've forced upon myself (hobbies that I actually LOVE when they aren't such a chore) life has gotten to be fairly rough. I am spread too thin, and it's really causing the quality of all my work to suffer.

I wish I could dedicate myself to only one thing, or a small handful of things, and be very good at those few things, instead of mediocre at so many thing.

What kind of an example am I setting for Liam, my son, when I act this way? I want to raise a leader, not someone who doesn't know what they want to they just want what everyone else is having. Like Maggie in Runaway Bride who doesn't even know what kind of eggs she likes.

I didn't use to be this way. When I was a teen I was a goth. Seems so long ago ans foreign to me now. I went to a small school and I wasn't the only goth, but I didn't hang out with others like me, so I suppose I was isolated, in a way. I just did what I wanted to do for my own reasons.

But I'm not like that anymore.

I thought adults were supposed to have more confidence, purpose. I thought by the time was 23 (next month!) I would have more of a self identity. Instead, I still constantly look for guidance from everyone else, like I don't know what I'm doing. I even ask non-parents for parenting advice, as if I didn't know what's best for my child!

This has got to stop. I have got to stop belittling myself, take control of my life, and only do the things that make ME happy, as opposed to those that make other people happy. I just don't know how, yet.

Am I the only one that feel this way?